So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
