New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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