So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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