I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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