Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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