Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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