Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
