his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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