Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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