He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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