Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
