Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
