my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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