i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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