so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
