I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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