I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize