I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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