we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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