Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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