omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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