Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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