and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
