K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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