The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
