Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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