Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
COCAINE IS GR8
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
