I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
