everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone signed my nipple.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
