nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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