And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Drunk is a universal language darling
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