it wasn't lemon gatorade
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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