awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
