so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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