I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize