I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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