Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize