i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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