Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
