youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize