i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize