i was rollin on her like bob the builder
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
