Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
