I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
