Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize