I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
