how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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