There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
