Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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