DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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