omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
