I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
