i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
