I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
