my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
