Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
