The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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