If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
