Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize